


Twerking Monkeys

by Two_Guns_And_A_Knife



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:31:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 7,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_Guns_And_A_Knife/pseuds/Two_Guns_And_A_Knife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nah, that's not how the story ends, Cupcakes. A crazy little story full of doubts, unfortunate and unlucky accidents and events, indecision, and sad mad people. Theme Song: A Matter Of Trust by Billy Joel. HEA? Maybe. No animals were harmed in the marking of this unexpected journey, BTW.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But Darling, We All Came From Chimpanzees  She can't believe her eyes.

**But Darling, We All Came From **Chimpanzees****

She can't believe her eyes.

Her dear husband is having sex with a tall slim woman on the brand new kitchen table right in front of her eyes. Suddenly all she can remember is their wedding vows. She can still see the gentleness in his eyes. She can still smell the beautiful flowers. To have and to hold. From this day forward. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. The sky was so blue and so bright. She was so young and so beautiful. They were so happy and so hopeful. Until death do us part. Love. Rings. Promises. Lie. Joke. A slap in her face. How she wishes she has a gun in her purse. She chokes on her silent tears when she recognizes that woman. No. No. No. This can't be happening. Surely, there must be a mistake. Nobody—life, fate, God, or whoever is in charge—can be that cruel. The shopping bags and keys drop from her limp hand. Her husband and the other woman, breathing heavily, startled by the sound, turn their heads toward her.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." The naked woman, with those thin long legs wrapped around her husband's hairy torso, squeaks.

"Wait, Helen. I can explain." Frank, still deep inside Angie Morelli, actually pales.

She stands there, staring at them with wide reddened eyes, and struggles for words. She was here to add a finish touch for Stephanie and Joe's future home. On the way here she was humming a song. All the pot roasts and mashed potatoes. All the home-baked cookies, pies, and cakes. All the busy afternoons. All the pastas and gravy boats. All the whiskey inside her kitchen cabinet. With great will power she swallows a wail. With trembling hands she fishes out her phone, takes several quick photos, and posts them on her Facebook wall. For all to judge. For all to see. She doesn't give a damn anymore. She then, calmly, despite the pleading and begging, pushes the button and makes the call.

"Joe?" In a soft voice Helen Plum informs her most recent Facebook friend as the tangled naked bodies tumble from the table. "The wedding is off."


	2. Eek. Eek. Eek.

**Eek. Eek. Eek.**

Silence swallows them all for 15 seconds.

"Oh my God."

"What is that?"

"Geez."

"Eew."

"Lorita? It's me. You are so NOT going to believe this!"

"Oh, myyyyy..."

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Val? Honey? You'd better sit down and take a look at this."

Before Facebook has a chance to delete the photos, the whole Burg knows, and everyone is loving this. Thank God for social media, and, of course, modern technology. Joe Morelli gapes at his computer. Vinnie Plum giggles. Connie and Lula try not to laugh. Stephanie Plum's eye starts to twitch.

And Ranger is in the wind.


	3. Fig. Apple. Banana Peels?

**Fig. Apple. Banana Peels?**

Painful humiliation. Cruel realization. The shadowy unpleasant smell of sex and betrayal. The neighbors, quietly hidden behind their ugly flowery curtains, are all watching. Helen holds her head high and her dignity together. She forbids her hands to shake. No, she's not going to cry. Though she wants to. And she needs to. She's going to find a damn good lawyer. She's going to piece her life back together. She's going to be happy. She's going to take a deep breath and get it over with. She's going to...She's going to...She wishes she knows what else to do. A purpose. A goal. A reason. A motive. An identity. Suddenly she feels so lost. But no, she's not going to give in. She's a good woman. She deserves better than this. She closes her eyes for a second, and then sets the pile of whiskey-soaked clothes on fire. Frank's shirts. Frank's pants. Frank's socks. Frank's blanket and pillow. Frank's underwear. Frank's lies. Frank's excuses. Frank's wishes and needs. She's done being Mrs. Plum. She doesn't even know when she has stopped dreaming.

Edna Mazur stands on the porch watching. Nope, she can't say she was surprised. Of course she has heard about the legendary love triangle. She has friends everywhere. And here, in this part of town, lonely talkative little old ladies know everyone's history. And she's never told Helen about this. It was the love story of the last century. The most beautiful girl in the neighborhood torn between two tall dark handsome boys. All is fair in love and war. At the end of the day, we all have to make a choice. The winner smiled his trademark charming smile and happily kissed his bride. The loser went away that very night and joined the Army. Time changed everything. Joe Morelli's Dad turned into a mean drunk and died young. Stephanie's Dad eventually came home, settled down, and lost all his sparks. But you never forget your first love. Yeah, talk about cliché. Edna shakes her head and comes to stand by Helen's side.

"Oh, Mother. How could he?" Helen's lips start to quaver, and she finally cries.

"It's gonna be okay." Edna wraps her thin arms around her heartbroken daughter. Good riddance. She never likes Frank.


	4. Everything Under The Sun

**Everything Under The Sun**

Oh no. This is so not happening again. Stephanie Plum numbly thinks as she hastily takes a really deep breath. It's just another day in her officially fucked-up life. It's just another one of her crazy dangerous murderous skips. The foul smell of the Delaware River is familiar, unmistakable, and, somehow, almost welcoming. The only difference is that she's now engaged to Joe, and Ranger isn't here.

Well, he has no reason to stick around, does he? He's a mercenary that co-owns a successful money-making company, and he doesn't do relationship. But she needed something stable and wanted to feel secure, and he did give her his blessing. Silently. The way he smiled at her when she told him she's going to get married. The warmth of his hands when he cupped her face and wiped away her tears. No. He didn't kiss her and there was no need to say anything. He's too smart to do stupid things. She was too much a coward not to believe in first love, fate, and destiny. Everything was decided the day she followed Joe into that dark dirty garage. Finders keepers. You broke it, you bought it. The myth about girls and the boys who took their virginity.

Stephanie closes her eyes and holds her breath. The water is colder than she remembers and this time she knows she's going to die. Life sucks. Joe is mad at everyone. No one knows she has been kidnapped. She was going to quit her job a month before their wedding. Her lungs start burning. Maybe it's easier to give up but she's afraid to give in. She doesn't want to let go of her hope. Something touches her legs. She instinctively opens her mouth to scream. Water floods in. She struggles frantically. The rope around her wrists tightens. Her head becomes dizzy. She knows she's losing the fight, the war, and the battle.

How she wishes Ranger is here...


	5. Thou Shalt Not Cheat

**Thou Shalt Not Cheat**

Frank Plum jumps into the river. Nope, he didn't think. He was driving aimlessly around when he accidentally witnessed the scene. The water is dirty and cold; he can barely see a thing. He has to find Stephanie. He was an excellent swimmer when he was young and fit and still in the Army. It was freaking hot the day they took Val and Stephanie to the beach. He bought the girls ice cream. Helen complained first about the heat and then about loud and somewhat rude crowd, but she couldn't stop smiling. It was the first time Stephanie saw the sea. Her eyes were so wide, so clear, and so blue, and she giggled like an angel while trying to chase a seagull, and she tripped and fell. He held Stephanie close to his heart till she stopped crying, and bought her another ice cream.

They say first love never dies. A part of him will always love Angie. He misses Helen's cooking. Yes, he regrets what he did. He made a terrible mistake and now he's paying the price. He will do whatever he can. Even if he dies trying. Soon he will run out of time and air. He's not the muscular young man he used to be. His heart is about to burst.

He has to save Stephanie.

 


	6. Tomorrow Is Another Day

**Tomorrow Is Another Day**

No one says a word. The silence is thick. There's nothing anyone can do. All they need is a miracle right now. Helen can't stop trembling. She wants to shout at someone. She wants to know, "Why me?" But she doesn't even have the strength to pray and she doesn't even know if she still believes in the Almighty God. She has sent Albert home. Someone has to take care of the girls. Valerie didn't cry, and Helen is grateful of that. No one bothered to call Joe Morelli, but he showed up anyway. Helen, for the 1000th times, wonders what Stephanie saw in him. A part of her vaguely realizes that she ,too, is to be blamed.

Helen clasps her hands tighter. Frank had a heart attack, she was told. Stephanie may suffer from lack of oxygen. Brain damage. Or death. Helen wants to cry. But she has no tears left. It was't Joe's fault. But somehow she still wants to slap his face. "Where were you?" She wants to ask. "Why weren't you there to save her?" But she keeps her silence.

She's just too tired.


	7. The Monkey's Paw

**The Monkey's Paw**

This is not how the story is supposed to end. And suddenly he has started losing hair. The bald spot grows larger every day. Alopecia areata. AA. Yeah, he googled it. He's been under a lot of stress. He hasn't had sex since he saw his mother's naked body on Mrs. Plum's Facebook page. The desire and the need didn't actually go away. But the trauma is too strong and too deep to overcome, and every time he looked into Stephanie's eyes, his hard-on automatically melted away. Like the Snowman. Like garlic butter. Like candle wax. Frank Plum's hairy torso. Frank Plum's purple peni—

No.

No.

No.

Better not to think of that again. They both knew things would never be the same. They'd tried, tried, and tried again. Why should children be punished for the sins of their parents? Why should parents be punished for the sins of their children? Love is the only answer. Love is the light. Love is the path. He knew Stephanie couldn't stop thinking of his mother's sagging breas—

Joe Morelli slaps himself in the head. People turn to stare at him. He wishes he could say he doesn't care. He hasn't spoken to his mother. He just couldn't muster enough courage. His mother has been a widow for too many years. His father was not exactly an ideal husband. Grandma Bella knows nothing. Nothing at all. His sister burst into tears. His elder brother opened his mouth but had nothing to say. He himself drank another beer. A part of him wants to laugh it over with. A part of him wants to get laid. And now Stephanie is dying. So is her father. Helen has cancelled everything. There probably won't be a wedding. He and Stephanie have been keeping a polite distance between each other. They have stopped trying to talking about this. They have stopped having dinner at Pino's and watching hockey games together. It was simply awkward.

But somehow they are still engaged.

And he wasn't there when she needed him the most. He didn't even know she had been kidnapped. He didn't warn her about her job and all the crazy dangerous people. He's a cop, for Christ's sake. It's hard not to feel guilty. Should he be held responsible? He sits there, trying to pray, but just can't concentrate. He's afraid to ask any more questions. Why can't people stop staring? AND WHERE THE FUCKING HELL IS RANGER? He was supposed to always be there when Stephanie made yet another foolish careless mistake and catch her when she stumbled and fell. And when the two tall big men finally got out of their badass company SUV and jumped into the river, everything was too late. Too too late. How he wishes he could grab hold of Ranger's black shirt and punch him in the face. For that fucking Manoso is the one who keeps feeding Stephanie all the wrong kinds of ideas over the years. And everyone thinks that he, Joe Morelli, Trenton police detective, knows nothing about all the stolen kisses—

Frank Plum's purple penis. His mother's sagging breasts.

Joe Morelli snarls and smashes a fist against the waiting room wall. And thus breaks several bones in his hand. Life sucks? indeed.

 


	8. Glass Menagerie

**Glass Menagerie**

Angie Morelli holds her chin high and her spine rigid. She was once beautiful. She is still proud. And she regrets nothing. She never likes Helen—and both her daughters—to begin with. Frank has changed a lot over the years. But his eyes remain the same whenever he looks at her. Silent. Passionate. Warm. Eloquent. She knew she'd made a terrible mistake the first time her late husband slapped her. She should have chosen the other man. Her life could have been different. She would have been happier. She wants to let go of the shopping cart, get away from all those watchful eyes, and rush to Frank's side. She wants to grab hold of Frank's hand. She wants to kiss Frank's tender lips. She wants to tell Frank what an amazing lover he is. All her in-laws have stopped talking to her. They still drop by almost everyday to check on Bella. But they won't even look at her or acknowledge her existence. They treat her like the infamous Jersey air. They don't bother to hide their disgust. She has been cut off from the grapevine of gossip. Her own daughter refuses to answer her calls. And Joe no longer comes over for dinner.

She doesn't know what to say to Joe. She feels this constant urge to explain herself. She wishes she can, somehow, make Joe understand. Everyone knows his father was a mean bastard. Everyone knows how hard she'd worked to make life easier. Doesn't she deserve a little happiness? She's a mother, a daughter-in-law. But she's also a woman. She, too, has needs. She, too, wants to be loved. She has never ever stopped loving Frank. And deep down inside, she is still that beautiful sexy girl. People—neighbors and strangers, friends, families and foes—have seen her naked pictures on Helen Plum's Facebook wall. So what? Let the one among you who has never sinned throw the first stone!

Angie takes several calming breaths and then blinks back the sudden tears. She has things to shop and chores to do. She will go to the hospital to visit Frank. Before it's too late. She no longer gives a damn what other people—or Joe, her favorite child of the three—think. Frank is dying.

And it was all Stephanie's fault.


	9. Yellow Submarine

**Yellow Submarine**

Frank Plum's heart stops. Its last struggle has eternally failed. Frank Plum's widow bursts into tears. Frank Plum's lover lets out a shriek. Frank Plum's younger daughter is still fighting for her life. Joe Morelli catches his mother as she faints. Helen Plum tries to cope with her sudden grief. She said not a word when Angie Morelli came in and sit down near the corner. A part of her knew all along Frank wouldn't make it. Now she has to make arrangements for his funeral. There will be no open-casket viewing. Someone has to go to the motel to pick up Frank's things. Someone has to stay here in the hospital waiting for news on Stephanie's condition. She doesn't want to go home. She want to be near Stephanie. She wants to be left alone. She wants to stop crying. She wants to stop loving Frank, her dead cheating husband. She wants to embrace him for being so brave. She wants to slap him for being so foolish. She wants to punch Angie Morelli in the face. She wants to choke Angie Morelli with bare hands. She has killed someone before. She's never a violent person. She doesn't want the world to see her tears. She's never told anyone what she did to save Stephanie. It was so long ago. It felt so unreal. Frank is dead and now she has to inform all their friends and relatives.

Valerie arrives, crying. Albert blinks, trying to say something. Helen hugs her first born child. Frank used to be a handsome man. He smiled and carefully held Valerie in his arms. She was so tiny. They were so happy. And Helen thought her life was now complete. A child. A house. A husband. A car. A cat. What else would she need? She had everything. Everything. Love. Laughter. Memories. Another child. Another car. Heartbreak. And betrayal. Oh, the day she lost her cat. Ah, the day her father died. Stephanie's divorce. Valerie's divorce. And now this. Helen Plum closes her eyes briefly and takes a deep deep breath. She stepped so hard on the gas pedal and ran over that freaking rabbit. She saved Stephanie.

_Okay, I can handle this._


	10. Casablanca

**Casablanca**

She wakes up, blinking slowly, staring at the ceiling. She can't quite remember anything. She has no idea where she is. Names, places, dates, faces. They mean almost nothing to her. People in white robes come and go. People talk and weep. People smile and ask too many strange questions. She feels like she's still drowning. She has no memory of the past few years. It's the result of her brain damage. She is recently divorced. She has been shamelessly cheated. Once again she's the black sheep of her family. But that's okay. She still has her job. She now has her own apartment. The bedroom is small but the rent is cheap. One day, one day she'll finally win the lottery.

For some unknown reason she doesn't want to ask about her father. For some unknown reason she's afraid to look her mother in the eyes. What the HELL has happened to her elder sister? Who the heck is that eager little man? Val got divorced and then married again? Why? How? When? She's so confused. Her head starts to ache. She's bone-tired and exhausted. She dares not fall asleep. What if she wakes up tomorrow morning and suddenly forgets her own name? And what is Joe Morelli doing here?

"Cupcake," He tries to say but falls silent instead.

He isn't supposed to be here. Her mother has made herself brutally clear. He was told that Stephanie can't remember anything between them. He was asked to leave Stephanie alone. She's in a fragile state. He's here to grab his chance. He has invested too much. He can't just give up. And she did accept his ring. And they were actually in love. Well, he's not lying to himself. He is—was—whatever—the winner of the game. He was going to be the happy groom. He was this close to his dream. Average life. Ordinary peace. Small happiness. Everyday wonders. Sweet, sweet home. Beautiful kids. But now she's looking at him as if he's a hairy roach or something extremely unpleasant and equally nasty. The distrust and disgust in her misty blue eyes stab through his heart like a sharpest knife. He's no longer the man she'd been sharing her bed with, he suddenly realizes. He's the dirty rude sneaky rat bastard who took her virginity and wrote it all out on men's public bathroom walls. He's the cheap asshole who threatened to sue her for his broken leg. He's the sly little jerk who tricked and molested her that hot stuffy summer day.

"Cupcake," He tries again.

She grabs something from the bedside table and throws it at his head. "Get out." She hisses. "And don't you EVER call me that again."

He stands up and leaves. He knew she was going to yell. He didn't know what else to do. It was better to play it safe. There was no need to take the risk. He can always come back when she's calmer and more stable. He can always try again. There is always tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. Tomorrow he will have another chance. With the help of her favorite pizza. And a box of her favorite donuts. Yes, tomorrow he will stand a better chance. And maybe, maybe, when he wakes up tomorrow, everything will come back to normal and Stephanie will be herself again. With a small happy smile he gets into his car and pulls away.

With longing eyes Stephanie Plum looks at the plastic chair beside her narrow hospital bed. She's waiting for someone to be here. Who is that someone? She has no idea.


	11. Hotel California

**Hotel California**

"But you saved my life!" Lula, the plus size woman in a too tight suit, bursts into tears.

"Yeah, you work for me." Vinnie, her weasel of a cousin, gives a casual shrug.

"And you blow up things!" Mary Lou, her best friend, says with twinkling eyes.

Joe Morelli keeps sending small gifts—cupcakes, éclairs, Tastykakes, Pino's meatball sub, Boston cream doughnuts—and flowers.

Stephanie wants to bang her head against a wall. She can't remember anything. She wishes Morelli can just go away. She's pretty sure she's read plenty of amnesia stories: romantic ones, silly ones, horrible ones, boring ones; but this true story of her life is so damn frustrating that it makes her want to yell. Bounty hunter? Walking disaster? Gun owner? Big Blue and the fleet of blown-up cars? And where the Hell did the burn scar on her arm come from? In a couple days she'll be released from the hospital. Every organ inside her body is alive and kicking, except for her brain. Her pathetically permanently damaged brain. The doctors doubt her lost memories will ever come back. All they told her was pieces and bits. What's hidden behind their friendly smiles? What's trying to escape from their uneasy eyes? Why is her mother's face so pale? Where is her father? Why are they stalling? When are they going to let the truth out?

She twists and turns in her bed. She knows she's going to have another restless night. Something terrible has happened. She had something to do with that. Can she handle the truth? Can she forgive herself? Can she restart her life? And why is she still waiting for that someone else? She opens her eyes and stares at the cheap plastic chair. It's the middle of the night. The hospital is very quiet. She lies in the bed, waiting. Her vision blurs and she falls asleep. She wakes up hours later at the usual noises. She yawns. Her heart sinks a little. The room feels lonely and empty.

No one came last night.

 


	12. Dust In The Wind

**Dust In The Wind**

"He wanted you to be happy."

Stephanie breaks into tears. The usual crowded house feels eerily vast and empty now that Frank is forever gone. Valerie washes the lump in her throat down with a sip of coffee. Edna holds her silence. The scent of the freshly baked pineapple upside-down cake dances in the air. Rex the hamster keeps running in his wheel. A thousand thoughts race through Stephanie's mind. Will dinner still be served every day at six? Will there still be pot roast, gravy, and creamy smooth mashed potatoes? Why couldn't her father just call 911 and pray? Why did her over-weight and under-exercised father jump into the river? Why did he have to die?

"He loved you very much."

Helen's voice is very soft. It was a small and quiet funeral. The flowers were perfect. The weather was mild. Joe Morelli stood at the farthest corner. Angie Morelli didn't show up. No one said much. Everyone remained respectful. Helen went back to the hospital when the ceremony was over. She sat by Stephanie's bed. She said prayer after prayer. She was grateful Stephanie was still alive. She couldn't decide if she hated or loved Frank more.

"It wasn't your fault."

Helen hugs her daughter tighter. She hasn't told the whole truth. She left out the part about Frank's affair. Maybe one day Stephanie will find out. But right now she just wants to keep everything intact. Life is so fragile and she, too, is tired and scared. She's now a widow. She knows all along death is inevitable. She isn't naïve.

But still.


	13. Uptown Girl

**Uptown Girl**

Stephanie stops the car in the parking lot and stares at the 3-story old brick building. According to what she's been told, her apartment is not as safe as she once thought. Why did she insist to come alone? She's just here to take a look. Something may trigger her memory. She's curious about the life she's leading. She's not that eager to move back here, though. She's not sure if she should go back to work for Vinnie, either. Deep down within, she knows she's not yet ready to be on her own. She misses her father everyday. And she almost gasped when her mother slammed the door in Joe Morelli's face.

So she indeed is in a relationship with Morelli. Dates. Kisses. Sex. Engaged.

Once again Stephanie feels the urge to smack her head.  _What the Hell were you thinking?_   _First Dickie. Now Morelli? Geez._ She gives her head a shake to get rid of the unpleasant thoughts. She gets out of the car and takes the wobbly elevator to the second floor. She fishes out the keys and hesitates in front of her door. Everything feels old and familiar. Everything seems new and strange. She opens the door before she has a chance to change her mind. Small bare kitchen. Plain living room. Ugly bathroom—

She stops frozen at the bedroom door.

Someone is sleeping in the bed. Her bed.

Someone clad in black. She can't quite see his face. In the dim light. With the curtains drawn.

He smells of forest. He smells of wind. He smells of snow, rain, and stars.

Her eyes travel from the sleek black boots to the sleek black gun. She blinks. She feels dizzy. Her eyes linger on the Mocha Latte hand.

Should she scream? Should she run? Should she call someone? She stays where she is. She can not make a sound.

The man stirs.

Her heart races faster.

The man sits up.

"Who are you?" She whispers.

"Goldilocks." He almost smiles.

She falls in love.


	14. Joseph and His Colorful Coat

****Joseph and His Colorful Coat**   
**

Joe Morelli stares at the sleek black Porsche.

After all this time. After everything. After all the chaos. The Devil is now back in town. Once again he's gonna steal her heart. Once again he'll toy with her soul. The great temptation. The sinful seduction. The eyes. The look. The lips. The smile. The alluring, dangerous charm. What the hell are they doing up there?

Inside her room.

All alone.

He takes a cupcake from the box and bites down hard. The buttery flavor explodes in his mouth. He chews and chews till the fluffy sweetness becomes bitter and dull. Suddenly he wants to laugh. Why is he even here? Yep, he should have known. He could tell from the look in Stephanie's eyes. She. Doesn't. Remember. The lingering kisses. The playful jokes. The hungry passion. The true affection. The promises. The agreements. The ring. The old resentment has surfaced again. She's not the woman he loved and knew. He should just start his car and drive away. He should just get out of his car and storm upstairs. He should listen to reasons. He should follow his heart and instincts. He should wrap Stephanie in his arms. He should punch Ranger in his face.

He gets out of his car and walks straight into the apartment building. He stops at Stephanie's door, closes his eyes, lets out a deep breath, and counts to 10. Calm and assertive. Without being aggressive. Stay positive. Focused. And patient. Remember what Cesar Millan always says. He's still Stephanie's legitimate fiancé. And she has no idea whatsoever who Ranger is. He puts a smile on his face and knocks on the door. He's a lover. He's a fighter. He ain't no quitter. She remembers nothing. Nothing at all. And oh yeah, he'll definitely use that to his fullest advantage...

No one answers the door.

His smile falters a little. He knocks again. Again. And again. He loses his nerve, calm, patience, and composure all together. He recalls one certain morning years ago. He arrived in the nick of time and successfully interrupted what was going on. It was a close call. Suddenly he's drenched in cold sweat. He fishes out the key. He unlocks the door. The security chain is firmly in place. "Cupcake!" He calls out, his voice loud and rough. "Steph!"

The box of cupcakes drops from his hand.

He didn't hear any footsteps.

A rush of white-hot anger burns through his veins.

His eyes bulge and almost burst from his head.

Ranger smiles his perfect smile.

Stephanie pulls the blanket over her head.

Somewhere out there inside the old 3-story brick building, a radio is singing a lazy love song.


	15. Boy Zone

**Boy Zone**

As soon as Stephanie opened the closet door, she threw up.

Maybe it was the sight of the pile of men's t-shirts, pants, underwear and socks. Maybe it was the faint scent of aftershave and cheap department store cologne. Maybe it was the pressure she has been under. Maybe it was the guilt. Maybe it was the shame. Maybe it was the stress. Maybe she simply didn't want to believe what she saw. She'd felt the need to turn away from the man's intense gaze. She'd felt the need to do something, anything, to distract his attention. Lol and behold. What a surprise. She'd been sharing her life with Joe Morelli. As a couple. Soon to be married. A cold shiver ran down her spine. Her face burned. Her breath caught.

_Oh, Stephanie, how far you have fallen._

She opened her mouth and puked out her lunch. The world went black. Her knees gave in. She crumbled to the floor. And when she finally opened her eyes, she was in the narrow queen size bed and the tall dark man had already cleaned up the mess. She looked up at him. She didn't know what to say. Were they friends? Why was he here? What did he want from her? What could she possibly give him? She was going to burn all the clothes and stuff in the closet. And in the drawers. He handed her a cup of steaming coffee. She suddenly realized she was wearing his sleek black shirt and his perfect muscled chest was smooth and bare. Ah, those abs...Her eyes glazed over. The realization hit like a rock. She let out a groan.

_Oh God. We have slept together._

"Babe," The man softly laughed.

Then the knocks came. And she pulled the blanket over her head.

Somewhere out there inside the old 3-story brick building, the radio keeps singing  _The Unchained Melody_. She inhales the sweet alluring scent on the pillow. Joe Morelli's rage explodes. Today, alas, is not his lucky day.

 


	16. All Day, All Day

**All Day, All Day**

He has every right to be angry. He draws back his arm. Tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. Stressed. Bitter jealousy. He's ready to punch. He has a sneer on his lips. He has fire in his eyes. Is it time for a showdown? Is this a test or what? Suddenly he wants to yell.  _Why me?_ _Why me?_ He throws the punch. He lets out a painful howl, as his fist comes in contact with the solid door. His unhealed bones break again. He cradles his injured hand. The door is now firmly shut. The man on the other side must be laughing now. That Mocha Latte hand never left the door. And in his anger, he never even noticed. "Shit. Shit. Shit." He starts cursing. His voice sounds weak. His hand is killing him.

"He loves me." She whispers into the mirror, refusing to use past tense. He's still alive. Within her heart. He smiles when she smiles. He weeps when she cries. He breathes when she breathes. He will love her. Always. She's going to sit down by his grave and sing him a song. A song they both love. Then she will come home. Make dinner. Eat in silence with her mother-in-law. Waiting for Joe to call. Watch a little TV. And maybe tonight, she will dream of him.

The moment he slammed the door shut, he almost laughed out loud. He never thought he would come home to this. Stephanie doesn't remember everything. Her eyes look younger. He's still an opportunist. He has tracked down the man who tried to kill her. No one is going to miss the missing man. No one cares if Vinnie loses the bail money. No questions will be asked if the body was buried deep. What is he going to do with Stephanie? He leans against the bedroom door as she peeks out from under the blanket.

"Did you kill him?"

He holds her eyes. He recalls the day they first met. Ah, the things we did for love.

Poor, poor Mr. Joe Morelli.


	17. King Of May

**King Of May**

She sits up in bed. She feels much better now. The nauseousness has gone.

She was the one who looked away first. He didn't answer her question. His eyes were too beautiful and too intense.

So it's true. They were—or had been—lovers. They were not committed to each other. Somehow, somewhen, along the path, she chose Joe, instead.

Why? She wants to ask. What happened? What had changed? The sleek black shirt feels soft and comfortable against her skin. She stares at his gun. She never likes guns. She's against violence. A lot of things had happened. A lot of mistakes were made. And she feels like she doesn't know herself. Not anymore. And suddenly she's at a loss. What to think. What to ask. What to know. What to do next. She wished she could stay in bed all day. But she's not a child anymore and the bed isn't exactly heavenly comfortable. It's probably too narrow for the both of them...

Desire. Unexpected desires. She wants to feel those lips. She wants to feel those abs. He's the secret no one told her about. Like the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. One small bite and everything will change. The fruit of knowledge. The power of the dark side. She has to go home for dinner. Her mother will be worried. She needs to piece her life back. She has to let go of unwanted things. Her job. Her life. Her apartment. Her shoes. Her clothes. Her car. She was told she's very good at blowing up things.

She looks up at the beautiful man and tries her best to remember. One small thing. One meaningful thing. One meaningless thing. Anything. Something.

Her memory is blank. She feels helpless. Maybe she should smack her head. Maybe she should tear at her hair. What's his name? Why is he here? Why does he look at her like this. Like he has nothing to say. Like he has something to say. Like he's happy. Like he's sad.

She looks up at him. She doesn't realize she's crying. Her tears fall silently. Her eyes are wide. Her curls are wild. She looks younger than she actually is. He walks toward her. He places a hand on her face. He wraps her in his arms. Gently. She closes her eyes. She keeps weeping. She can't tell if he feels familiar.

She wishes she could remember.

Something.

Anything.

One damn thing.

And then he kisses her. The world stops for a brief minute.


	18. Life Is A Bitch And Then You Cry

**Life Is A Bitch And Then You Cry**

Soft porns. Hard porns. Cheap, silly love stories. Dreams. Love. Hopes. Jokes. Fantasies. Joe Morelli staggers out of the apartment building. The scorching pain in his hand has brought tears to his eyes. He can't stop thinking of meaningless words and things. He should have kicked down Stephanie's door. He's seen people do that in movies a million times. Plant your flag. Assert your claim. Mark your territory. Show them your true colors. Demand some respect. Why can't he just give up? Some things have changed. Some things are not going to change. This is a different Stephanie. Not the one who had fallen for him. The window is closed. The opportunity is gone. She was so cute and so lovely when she gave him her virginity. Sweet 16. Tender age. So full of expectation. So full of curiosity. So soft. So full of life. So unforgettable. The fire in her eyes when she ran him over with her car. The fear and loneliness on her face when she opened the door to find him there.

What did you want? What did you get? What do you expect, Joseph? Dare you fight with a broken hand? What are you gonna do with your broken heart? Your mother can't sleep without half a bottle of Wild Turkey. Your Grandma is bat shit crazy. Your dog is untrained and undisciplined. Your wedding has been canceled. You have no idea what the answer to the world, the universe and everything is. Your hand hurts like Hell. Your pride and ego have been bruised. You need to go to the hospital ASAP. You want your woman back. You need to stop bitching. Focus. Concentrate. Calm the fuck down.

He unlocks the door and gets in the car. He just sits there. He can't think straight. He can't see clearly. He feels torn. His stuffed with all kinds of feelings. He doesn't know how much time has passed. He doesn't notice when a sleek black car pulls to a stop in the parking lot. He pays no attention when a tall muscular man enters the building with a small bundle in his hand. The man comes out. The man drives away in the car. One by one the elderly residents return. The sky grows dark. He remains where he is, soaking in his sorrow and confusion, thinking of his life, his future, and his past. He has come a long way to become who he is. What was his mother thinking when she decided to do the deed on the kitchen table with the late Mr. Plum? How is this fair? What has he done? He did nothing wrong. Why is he the one to pay the price? He feels like crying. He leans back against the car seat. He closes his eyes.

Ranger and Stephanie come out of the building and get in the sleek black Porsche. The sexy engine roars. They drive away.

Joe Morelli, exhausted, beaten up and now soundly asleep, lets out a snore.


	19. Meh

**Meh**

Helen stands on the porch as the beautiful car pulls to a stop. She had tried very hard to keep this man out of Stephanie's life and she had succeeded. And now he's back. Maybe it's a good thing, Helen decides. Stephanie needs someone to look after her and protect her from all the crazy nasty people from her now forgotten past. Who is a better candidate? Who can do a better job? Besides, she can't ignore the smile on Stephanie's face. Small, but happy. Helen loves that smile. Maybe she'd been wrong from the very beginning. Maybe he's the one. The mysterious Mr. Right for her younger daughter. The man with a shadowy past. He genuinely cares about Stephanie. And he, indeed, has very good table manners and is always very polite. What more can you ask of a man? He can, and will, keep Stephanie safe and alive.

With a smile Helen invites Ranger in for dinner. And suddenly she recalls the first time she saw Frank in his uniform. She burned it on the front lawn along with Frank's socks and underwear. Frank was so young and fit and muscular. Frank knew how to kiss. Frank was such a gentle and amazing lover. They were so happy together. There were tears in Frank's eyes the day Valerie learned to walk. What had changed? What had happened? Now Frank is dead and she will never ever get an answer. Helen ushers them in and closes the door. Of course she notices that Stephanie is not wearing her own clothes. Of course she knows the neighbors are going to talk. Whatever. Let the rumours burn. She doesn't give a damn. Not anymore.


	20. In The Eyes Of A Stranger

**In The Eyes Of A Stranger**

This night, she can not sleep.

The dinner was quiet but pleasant. Everything was perfectly cooked and delicious, and her mother and grandmother didn't ask her any question. The man nicknamed Ranger got a call and had to leave early. The three blue-eyed women watched a little TV after dinner. No one sat in her father's chair. They sipped their coffee silently. And when she saw him to the front door, he didn't kiss her goodbye.

She lies in the bed and stares at the ceiling. Her old bed feels too small now. She used to dream of a lot of things. She doesn't know why she always had to make bad choices. Was she stupid? Or rebellious? Was she thinking at all? She always listened to her instincts. She just wanted to have fun and didn't really care about the consequences. She was shocked and numb when Joe wrote about her on the bathroom walls. She tried her best to hold her head high and acted like it was nothing. She got rid of her virginity. She was one of the big girls now. Yay. Hurrah. Good job, Stephanie. She smiled, rolled her eyes, gave her shoulders a casual shrug and bitched about being grounded. She laughed with her friends and together they planned a thousand ways to torture Morelli. She couldn't get into NYU. She couldn't find a job in a Forbes 500 company. Her first marriage was a disaster. She floated through life without a real purpose. Did she enjoy being a bounty hunter? Did she love Joe Morelli? Why did she let go of Ranger's hands? How come she got her father killed?

She tries not to make a sound. She lets her tears run wild. Who is she? Which one is the real Stephanie? What has she done to her life? She lies there and cries. Grandma comes in without knocking and holds her tight.

"It's okay." Grandma keeps saying. "It's okay."

In the master bedroom, her mother places a hand on the cold empty space beside her and closes her eyes. It's going to be another sleepless night.


	21. The Bucket List

**The Bucket List**

He wakes up to a powerful urge to cook something hot, tasty and extra cheesy for the woman he loves.

He jumps out of bed, runs down the stairs and out of his door. He's going to drive all the way to the Farmers' Market. All Italian men are great cooks. He'll find a best spot in the parking lot. He'll have a nice chat with the friendly vendors. Buy fresh and local. Buy organic. Buy cheap. With a generous drizzle of his treasured white truffle oil. Garnished with homemade crispy garlic chips. She's going to love his 3-cheese pasta cupcakes. Love is the best seasoning. He smiles under the bright morning sun as he breathes in the clear morning air. The shortest way to this woman's heart is through her stomach. Oh yes, he's not going to wear anything under the apron. She's going to love his extra spicy meatballs and giant cannoli. He will happily cross off the last item on his bucket list after the meal. He lets out a happy sign as he reaches for the car door handle. Suddenly someone starts screaming:

"Jeez! Morelli! Put some pants on!"

He looks down and sees his naked body. All the people on the street stare at him. He feels like a 12-year-old. Someone starts giggling. He watches in horror as his penis changes shapes and then starts shrinking. Spongebob. Patrick Star. Scooby-Doo. Doc. Grumpy. Happy. Sleepy. Bashful. Sneezy. Dopey. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Nothing. Everyone laughs louder. He stands there freezing, unable to move a limb. Joseph A. Morelli, the man with no penis. He opens his mouth to scream—

He wakes up in his car in the crowded parking lot. For a moment he doesn't know where he is. It takes him a while to notice the numb pain in his hand. The night is dark. With a shaking left hand he reaches downward. The throbbing member between his legs remains where it is. His hand stays there for a long long time. Somewhere out there in the neighborhood, a dog howls. Both Stephanie's car and the sleek black Porsche are already gone. Batman and his band of Merry Men. And the persecuted maiden.

Joe Morelli starts his car. His stomach roars like a beast.


	22. Rapunzel

**Rapunzel**

He wakes up with a deep hunger.

He's a light sleeper. He was trained to be always on guard. Survival of the fittest. Always do the right things. Of course his first marriage failed. There was no love involved. He had, and still has, too many goals to achieve.

He will never forget the day he woke up in a military hospital in Germany. He was shot and lost a lot of blood. He survived. The others weren't that lucky. He can't say he didn't have survivor's guilt. He constantly felt the urge. To become somebody. To do something. That's why he built this company. That's why he took his job seriously. A part of him wanted to reestablish the order. A part of him wanted to laugh in the face of the hypocrites. A part of him wanted to be wild and be free.

He has a daughter. She's his responsibility. He has exceeded his family expectation. Yet he still feels this longing.

He has to protect Stephanie. She's now more vulnerable than ever. She has been forced off the trail of breadcrumbs. There are wolves hidden in the shadows. She made her choice and he respected that. They both knew he could live without her. But things have changed. He has to take hold of her hands and lead the way.

To where?

He heads to the shower. Water washes away his fatigue. He recalls the look on her mother's face. Reluctance and relief. Now that Joe Morelli is officially out of the picture. And the way Stephanie blushed and smiled at him. Too young. Too innocent. Too naïve. That's what permanent memory loss will do to you.

He dries himself and gets dressed. He will have to think of a way. To help her restore her life. To keep her safe. And out of harm's way. She will always feels guilty about her father death. Even if her mother and sister have forgiven her.

At least she won't feel guilty about Morelli.

The door locks automatically behind him. The day hasn't dawned yet. His morning has begun. A promise is a promise.

He's a man of his words.

 


End file.
